{Feeding Update}

For those of you interested in my breastfeeding/pumping saga....

=)

After lots of thought and prayer, and consulting with a lactation nurse (ugh), my OB, and Cade's pediatrician, we have decided to wean him to formula. I am slowly decreasing the number of times I pump a day, because I'm too chicken to stop cold turkey (ouch!) and I don't want mastitis.

I put lots of thought into this decision. It wasn't easy. The guilt was overwhelming. I spent last Wednesday and Thursday talking to the sources above, and a lot of you too! Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences and advice with me. You all helped me more than anything!

The lactation nurse was the least helpful. When she called me back I was having a super emotional moment and cried on the phone like a baby. She listened patiently while I told her all about Cade's latching issue, weight loss after birth, pumping, etc. I explained how guilty I felt for even bottle feeding him breast milk because he couldn't latch, because I was exhausted and knew I couldn't keep it up for much longer, and certainly not the recommended 6 months. Her (only) advice was to call a lactation nurse, pay her to come to my house, and try to get Cade to latch again. Again? Did she miss the part where I said he never really latched to begin with?? Ugh. I was so disappointed after talking to her. I know she's a lactation nurse so she will push breastfeeding, but I feel like she didn't take into consideration the situation I was in.

My saving grace? Theresa, the nurse for Cade's pediatrician on Wednesday. God love her. Because she called back right after I got off the phone with lactation nurse, so she too got my whole story while I was crying. She too listened patiently, but when I was done she said "Hey you're awesome! I had to pump too and only did it for a week before I had to stop." She listened to my concerns about weaning him, and my guilt for not doing it longer. She talked to Cade's pediatrician and called me back an hour later. His doctor said that nothing regarding my healthy baby should be causing me this much stress and exhaustion. He recommended switching Cade to formula for both our sake's (and my husband's). He (by the time I wean him off) will get my milk for a month at least, which is a lot more than some babies get and they turn out just fine.

When I hung up the phone I felt like I could breathe. I know this sounds dramatic, but the guilt over something involving your own child is overwhelming. I also have a very hard time making decisions. Once the decision is made, I feel better and can follow through easily. I really needed someone to tell me "Hey, this is ok" for me to feel at ease about it. I didn't realize how crazy I was driving myself over it until now. So not worth it.

My advice on this? Stay the heck away from Google. Because nothing will make you feel more like shit that googling any topic related to breastfeeding, weaning, or formula feeding your baby. Those forum moms are crazy rude. While I bow down to those of you who nurse your babies and so wish I was one of you, I don't agree that people should kill themselves trying to do so. We all want the best for our children, and sometimes it's not possible to nurse. The internet will have you convinced you have failed as a parent, and that every child is capable of nursing if you just try harder.

One of my favorite bloggers, Pregnant Chicken, said it best.

" I'm sure you're well aware that some people are very passionate about breastfeeding and I think that's great, however, what I don't find great is making someone feel shitty because they aren't breastfeeding. If you can do it, go for it, if you can't, no worries."

So here's to no more worries!

We went to the doctor for our 3 week check-up yesterday and Cade is a beast! Ok not really, but he has gained 2 pounds and 2 inches from his last appointment. At 4 days old he weighed 6 pounds 2 ounces and was 18 inches long (he lost length when his cone-head went down) and he now weighs 8 pounds 4 ounces and is 20.5 inches long. I'm just waiting on him to get chunky!