{Feeding Update}

For those of you interested in my breastfeeding/pumping saga....

=)

After lots of thought and prayer, and consulting with a lactation nurse (ugh), my OB, and Cade's pediatrician, we have decided to wean him to formula. I am slowly decreasing the number of times I pump a day, because I'm too chicken to stop cold turkey (ouch!) and I don't want mastitis.

I put lots of thought into this decision. It wasn't easy. The guilt was overwhelming. I spent last Wednesday and Thursday talking to the sources above, and a lot of you too! Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences and advice with me. You all helped me more than anything!

The lactation nurse was the least helpful. When she called me back I was having a super emotional moment and cried on the phone like a baby. She listened patiently while I told her all about Cade's latching issue, weight loss after birth, pumping, etc. I explained how guilty I felt for even bottle feeding him breast milk because he couldn't latch, because I was exhausted and knew I couldn't keep it up for much longer, and certainly not the recommended 6 months. Her (only) advice was to call a lactation nurse, pay her to come to my house, and try to get Cade to latch again. Again? Did she miss the part where I said he never really latched to begin with?? Ugh. I was so disappointed after talking to her. I know she's a lactation nurse so she will push breastfeeding, but I feel like she didn't take into consideration the situation I was in.

My saving grace? Theresa, the nurse for Cade's pediatrician on Wednesday. God love her. Because she called back right after I got off the phone with lactation nurse, so she too got my whole story while I was crying. She too listened patiently, but when I was done she said "Hey you're awesome! I had to pump too and only did it for a week before I had to stop." She listened to my concerns about weaning him, and my guilt for not doing it longer. She talked to Cade's pediatrician and called me back an hour later. His doctor said that nothing regarding my healthy baby should be causing me this much stress and exhaustion. He recommended switching Cade to formula for both our sake's (and my husband's). He (by the time I wean him off) will get my milk for a month at least, which is a lot more than some babies get and they turn out just fine.

When I hung up the phone I felt like I could breathe. I know this sounds dramatic, but the guilt over something involving your own child is overwhelming. I also have a very hard time making decisions. Once the decision is made, I feel better and can follow through easily. I really needed someone to tell me "Hey, this is ok" for me to feel at ease about it. I didn't realize how crazy I was driving myself over it until now. So not worth it.

My advice on this? Stay the heck away from Google. Because nothing will make you feel more like shit that googling any topic related to breastfeeding, weaning, or formula feeding your baby. Those forum moms are crazy rude. While I bow down to those of you who nurse your babies and so wish I was one of you, I don't agree that people should kill themselves trying to do so. We all want the best for our children, and sometimes it's not possible to nurse. The internet will have you convinced you have failed as a parent, and that every child is capable of nursing if you just try harder.

One of my favorite bloggers, Pregnant Chicken, said it best.

" I'm sure you're well aware that some people are very passionate about breastfeeding and I think that's great, however, what I don't find great is making someone feel shitty because they aren't breastfeeding. If you can do it, go for it, if you can't, no worries."

So here's to no more worries!

We went to the doctor for our 3 week check-up yesterday and Cade is a beast! Ok not really, but he has gained 2 pounds and 2 inches from his last appointment. At 4 days old he weighed 6 pounds 2 ounces and was 18 inches long (he lost length when his cone-head went down) and he now weighs 8 pounds 4 ounces and is 20.5 inches long. I'm just waiting on him to get chunky!

{Feeding Baby}

Guess who's hungry??

Sigh.

I've been looking forward to this post and avoiding it for a week now.

Notice it's called "Feeding Baby" and not "Breastfeeding Baby" or "Bottle Feeding Baby."

I fall into some middle category here.

In the first hour after birth, I attempted to nurse Cade a couple of times. He seemed a little interested but didn't latch well. My nurse told me not to worry, the lactation nurse will come see me in postpartum and help me. They weren't worried as long as we were trying to nurse and he had enough wet diapers to meet his quota. Most babies don't nurse well in the first 24 hours. This is because after being forced out into this huge scary place, they also have to learn how to latch, suck, swallow, and breath all at the same time.

Makes sense.

I attempted to nurse Cade that night and the next morning. Around lunchtime the next day the lactation nurse came to see me. We got Cade to latch but only for about 15 seconds. He acted uninterested and would either fall asleep every time I tried to feed him or it seemed like he would get frustrated and start screaming. The nurse suggested I keep trying, and in between feedings I should pump and syringe-feed him so he would get the colostrum I was making. So this is what I did while in the hospital. She gave me a nipple shield to use (which makes your nipple more like the shape of a bottle). He did better latching to it, but she told me I still needed to nurse without it or he would become dependent and not be able to feed otherwise. Other than this, she gave me a number to their lactation help line, but no other real advice.

I was discharged the next morning after Cade's circumcision was performed. This apparently makes little boys very sleepy and he was too tired to nurse before we left the hospital.

At home, we kept trying. Cade would latch (using the nipple shield) and and nurse for a minute before either becoming tired or fussing. After about 10 minutes of this every 2 hours, he would become uninterested.  I pumped in between feedings to keep my supply up.

When we took him to the doctor on the Wednesday after he was born, he had lost 10 ounces and then weighed 6 pounds 2 ounces. This was after weighing him twice because the first time he weighed under 6 pounds. Cade's pediatrician told us that he was ok but didn't need to lose anymore weight or we would need to supplement with formula. I was frustrated and worried for him. He hadn't slept good the past 2 nights. Both nights he had been awake at some point for at least 2 hours crying.

I felt like at this point I needed to do something different. I didn't want to start formula yet. So I started pumping and bottle feeding. The first night after we started this, he slept so much better and seemed more content. I still tried to nurse Cade every day, but he wouldn't latch. He could get from a bottle in 10 minutes what it took him 45 minutes to get nursing. We are now in our 3rd week at home, and he will not latch at all.

I now exclusively pump and bottle feed. It works for us because he is still getting breast milk, and it allows Cody and I both to feed him.

This should make everyone happy, right?

Let me just tell you, my pump and I have a love-hate relationship right now. It wasn't so bad for the first week, but pumping is now becoming a chore that I do not enjoy. I pump every 3 hours around the clock to feed Cade. I am able to freeze some every day, so we have a growing stock in the freezer. It's difficult because I am very independent. I now have to plan my day around not only Cade's feeding but my pumping as well. It wasn't as bad when Cody was home because if Cade was crying or needed something while I pumped, he could handle it. Now that he's back at work I'm on my own.

Enter Mommy Guilt.

I feel like I should have tried longer to get Cade to latch and nurse. Everything I read online said you should give a newborn a bottle until they're 4-6 weeks old because they use different muscles to breast- and bottle-feed. If you introduce a bottle too early they will become dependent and forget how to latch to the breast. It also said you should try to breastfeed exclusively for at least 4 weeks before ruling it out. I almost feel like I gave up in some sense. But after days of exhaustion and him losing weight, I just felt like I was doing what I needed to for Cade. 4 weeks is a long time to attempt something that isn't working.

I feel guilty for making my husband do more work. He is back at his job this week and I always envisioned being able to handle the feeding and changing at night so he could rest. Not that he's complained one time, because he hasn't. But he also works a dangerous job and I'd like him to have all the sleep he can get. It's not working out that way because with pumping, everything takes twice as long for me to do. Most of the time Cade cries when I change his diaper, which wakes Cody. He will go get a bottle warmed while I'm changing the baby, and then he feeds him while I pump. This process takes about 30 minutes. When Cade wakes up at night and doesn't wake Cody, I change him first, then feed him a bottle. I then settle him back down and go pump (because he generally wakes every 3-4 hours at night and I refuse to set an alarm clock to wake me up just to pump). This process takes me about an hour. Once I finally get back to sleep (after washing pump parts) I only have about 1.5 hours until we start over again.

.

I feel guilty for my own frustration with pumping. I really am glad I'm able to feed Cade breast milk because know it's what is best for him to grow and develop. With that said, every time I have to sit and pump I feel extremely annoyed. It's not that it's hard or takes an exceptionally long time, but every 3 hours around the clock? You'd be tired of it too. Like I said, I have to plan my whole day now around when I can pump and feed. Feeding him is no problem. Not being about to be away from home for more than a few hours is the problem. Unless I want to pack my breast pump with me and pump while I'm out. Looking into the future, I don't know how long I can continue. This is selfish (more guilt) but what about vacations this summer? My husband's work trip I'm going on? Life in general? Will I be able to handle packing my pump and a cooler everywhere with me so I don't waste what I make?

At this point I'm considering talking to Cade's pediatrician about weaning him to formula. Yep, more guilt right there. Because I feel like as long as I can breastfeed, I should breastfeed. Am I doing wrong by my baby? Probably not. There are babies born every day who are formula fed and are just fine. So why do I feel so bad about all of this?

Do you have suggestions? An experience to share? I'd love to hear it :)

{What to expect} Coming Home

The best part about being at the hospital having your baby? The day you get to come home! After 2 1/2 days (or longer if you have a c-section) cooped up in a hospital room, you'll be ready to say hello to the outside world again. It is a little nerve-wracking leaving with a new baby strapped into a car seat, but we were so happy to be headed home that we weren't too worried. And when you get home, that first shower is ah-mazing!

One of my friends texted me the day after we came home and said "Please tell me that bringing a newborn home is not the complete chaos everyone tells you it is." My experience (thus far) has been far from chaotic. We have been truly blessed and Cade has been a good baby. He pretty much wakes up every 3 hours on cue through the night, when we change and feed. We swaddle him back up and back in the pack and play he goes. He puts himself back to sleep most of the time. Occasionally we will hold him for a few minutes, but only until he gets drowsy and then we put him down.

With all that said, I do have some words of advice for you mom, on your first week home :)

Keep taking your medicine!

They will give you pain medicine prescriptions. They are ordered for a reason. You will be sore for a good week or two (I'm currently 12 days post-delivery and feel pretty good). By sore, I mean you'll feel like you need Motrin every time you have to blow your nose. I continued to take Motrin around the clock for the first week, and took my Percocet in between when I needed it. It did make me sleepy so I was careful not to take it when I was too exhausted in the evening, or I'd fall asleep trying to nurse. But don't worry, you'll still hear every little grunt that new baby makes.

Let the hubby help.

Now this may be obvious for most of you. My husband took 2 weeks off work to stay home with us and help with the adjustment. We decided on 2 weeks because honestly, one didn't seem like enough. Not only that but the doctor won't want you to lift anything heavier than your baby for 2 weeks, and you have to be off your narcotic pain medication for 48 hours before you can drive.

I work full-time, but 12 hour shifts so my job only requires me to be at work 3 days a week. I'm used to cleaning house on my own, because I choose to. I'm very...particular with how things are done. The week we came home I did some light cleaning and picking up around the house, but mostly I let the husband handle it. It gave him something to do other than sit and stare at me and the baby, which kept him from going stir crazy :)

Get out of the house.

I can already see some people shaking their heads and pointing fingers at me.

This is a personal choice.

I know people always say not to get a newborn out for 6 weeks, but neither my OB or Cade's pediatrician said not to take him out. This doesn't mean I'm telling you to go pass your baby through the checkout line at WalMart. We had to take Cade to the pediatrician 2 days after coming home for his check-up. While we were out we ran in Babies R Us and got some last minute things we needed. We then bundled the little booger up in his stroller and took a walk in the park since it was warm and sunny. We are very careful when we're out to wash our hands before we touch him, and we pretty much keep him covered up. Most people have the courtesy not to walk up and lay hands on someone else's baby, but trust me I wouldn't let them anyway!

Truly, getting out (even for short outings) will make you feel so much better. Everyone needs fresh air and a change of scenery.

Be Calm.
There's that word again...calm.
I told you it was the name of my game =)
My husband and I are fairly laid back people, if you couldn't tell thus far. My goal for labor and delivery was to have a peaceful atmosphere so my husband wouldn't freak, and baby Cade would be welcomed into a happy place where I wasn't screaming bloody murder at everyone in the room. There's really nothing to scream about...TV makes things look so terrible.
I wanted to carry this atmosphere home with us. Before you leave the hospital you will have some sort of discharge class or individual teaching with your nurse. They will tell you all about bathing, changing, swaddling, SIDS, shaken baby syndrome, and postpartum depression. In our class they told us that you need to be able to recognize frustration when it arises and be able to walk away to regain your composure.
I was sitting there in the class staring at my sweet sleeping baby thinking "Right, like he'll ever frustrate me to that point. He's a baby!"
Well...
Newborns are hard. It takes a little while to figure out what they want. Cade is pretty chill, and we can now recognize a "wet" scream from a "hungry" scream. However, those first 3 nights at home were rough. I attribute most of that to his latching issue (don't worry, there's a blog post coming on that too). We were also still all getting used to each other and he was getting used to being in the real world. At 1am in the morning when he screamed for 3 hours straight, wasn't wet, and wouldn't eat, I could feel the tension radiating. It was making me physically anxious. Now did I ever want to harm my child? Absolutely not. But the feeling of frustration was difficult to deal with and automatically caused me tons of guilt. Cody was frustrated at well, and neither of us had more than 4 hours of broken sleep at this point. I took a minute and a few deep breaths, took Cade into his nursery and rocked him for about an hour. I let Cody go to sleep. Something about motherhood (hormones?) allows you to function on less sleep.
My point in all this rambling is that getting worked up yourself will not help. It will do harm. You will feel overwhelmed at some point (or multiple times) but it will pass. Once you recognize that you're feeling this way and why, I think you can channel it. Now when Cade screams and I don't know why or I'm overwhelmed, I choose to tell him how adorable he is. That sounds silly, and it probably is. But they say babies have a good sense of what is going on in their environment, even in the first days of life. So if he is choosing to pitch a fit, I will choose to stay calm and talk to him until he is over it. It's not easy, but I feel much better when he's done than I would if I'd freaked out.

Stock Up.
Obviously you'll want to have plenty of supplies for baby on hand. Diapers, wipes, bottles, clothes, etc.  But I also mean stock up for yourself. Not only will you be exhausted when you get home, you won't want to leave home right away to go get stuff from the store. In the last couple of weeks before I was due I made sure we had a good supply of toilet paper, paper towels and snacks at the house. When we came home from the hospital, we had what we needed. Not that my husband would have minded running to the store, but if there was anyone as tired as I was, it was him!

Perk Up!
Remember when I wrote in my last post about helping yourself out in the hospital?
Guess what?
Do it at home too =)
I can easily see how postpartum depression is an issue with so many women. Life is totally different after you bring a newborn home. I felt gross and sloppy, walking around in my pajamas all day. I also felt sorry for my husband who had to look at me walking around in my pajamas and hooked up to a breast pump every 3 hours. I had saggy baggy tired eyes and wet hair for a couple of days. I say a couple of days because that's when I snapped out of it. The day we got out to the doctor and to walk I got up and got ready like I would any other day. Hair, make-up, regular people clothes and everything! And guess what? I felt so much better! So then I thought, "I don't have to feel yucky just because I'm at home all day!"
Now when I get up in the mornings I start coffee, feed Cade, change him, and pump. Once that's all done with, he's usually ready for a nap (hard life!) and I use this time to get things done for myself. I don't go all out when I'm at home, but I at least change out of my jams into some different clothes (sweats...yoga pants...) and put a little makeup on. It makes me feel a little better to take 10 minutes to myself.

See...real people clothes!

Let it go.
Now, while you're trying to "perk yourself up" there will still be moments of meltdown.
It's ok.
Your hormones are all out of whack. Those don't just go back to normal the second the baby pops out. If you feel like you need to cry, hand of the baby and go cry. I wouldn't drown in your own sorrows or anything ;) but if you bottle up these feelings they will just explode later, probably on your poor unsuspecting husband.
Like I said, having a newborn is hard. It's not that the actual care of the newborn is hard. Mine is pretty basic...if you can handle changing, feeding, and swaddling. But the adjustment to life in general after bringing home baby is difficult. Your life and schedule now revolves totally around someone else, and it's hard to feel 100% yourself until you adjust too. Find someone to talk to who will understand (mom, sister, friend with kids) because your husband or significant other may not understand where you're coming from and just look at you like you're crazy. Trust me, this will only spark another meltdown!

{What to Expect} The Hospital

I wanted to write this post to share a little more about my hospital experience. I have lots of pregnant friends right now =) some veterans, some first-timers, who read this blog and if anything I say is helpful I'm glad.

Disclaimer: Clearly I'm not an expert at having children.

However, my hospital stay is fresh on my mind and I'd like to offer a little advice on what I was completely happy with and what I would have done different.
Also, if you are of the male gender, this post is not for you. You can probably stop reading here.

First things first. I delivered Cade at Baptist Hospital in Nashville. We had an amazing experience there. I got totally lucky and every nurse I encountered was wonderful and calm. You'll see the word "calm" a lot here because if you read Cade's Birth Story, you know that was the name of my game. I am a firm believer that attitudes are contagious, so all these wonderful people were helpful when I went into labor at 1 in the morning. It could have easily gone the other way and freaked us the hell out.

Like I said, I went into labor on my own. Textbook water-breaking, contractions started, hospital in the middle of the night labor. So I can't vouch for inductions or c-sections here.

This is a long post...so here we go.

Don't be a hero.

I say this because I did try and it wasn't worth it. The first time was when I wanted to wait for my epidural. I let my contractions get to the "Holy crap this hurts a lot" point before asking. Now I wasn't totally miserable, but I was hurting bad enough that by the time the CRNA came to place it (remember, they may be with another patient and sometimes you have to wait a while), it was very hard for me to sit still. It took about 20 minutes so I was breathing through at least 5-6 contractions while she put it in. I should have asked for the epidural sooner, but I'm the type of person who doesn't ask, but waits for someone to tell me "This is ok now." And since my nurse was letting me run the show, that didn't really work out. 

The second time was when I was pushing for almost 3 hours (again, see the birth story) and refused the vacuum to help get Cade out. Now this is a personal choice because there are risks involved, which my doctor explained very well. However, I didn't really want to listen when they said he really wasn't going to come out on his own. The reason they let me push on instead of insisting is because Cade was absolutely fine through the whole labor. If you run into this and your baby is in any distress, you won't have a choice. They will get your baby out. But again, Cade was loving it and I was running the show. When I finally said ok to the vacuum, it literally took 5 minutes and 2 pushed to get him out. And at that point I thought "Why didn't I do that an hour ago?!"

The third time was after the epidural was removed and I was offered pain medicine. You will most likely be ordered Motrin and some sort of narcotic (that isn't harmful to baby, mine was Percocet) for after delivery. I said yes to the Motrin and no to the Percocet, not having felt the after-effects of delivery because my epidural hadn't totally worn off yet. After this point, I continued to take Motrin around the clock and refuse the Percocet. We kept Cade in the room with us (except for a few hours the first night) and I didn't want it to make me sleepy. I sat up through all the visitors Sunday, and finally Sunday night I surrendered and took the Percocet. I didn't realize how much I hurt until the pain was gone. I finally slept for several hours at this point and felt much better. If I'd realized how much it helped, I would have started taking it after delivery.

It's ok to say NO.
This is meant for many circumstances.
This is your delivery, you get to (within reason) do it how you want.
Now, if your baby or you are in any sort of danger whatsoever, you don't get to call the shots.
However, if you have a birth plan or just a general idea of how you want things to go, let your nurse know. My favorite thing about delivering at Baptist was that they acknowledge the "golden hour." This is when the baby is allowed to stay with you for at least the first hour after birth, normally to give the baby skin-to-skin contact and allow them to try to nurse. I knew ahead of time they respected this period, but I also made it clear to my nurse that I wanted Cade with me after delivery. Once he was born, he was given to me to hold (a nice distraction when they're stitching you up...) and then taken away for just a couple of minutes to be weighed and wiped down. This also gave me a moment to get a new gown and sheets, and get more comfy in bed. Cody was able to take pictures of Cade getting weighed and then he was brought back to me. We allowed visitors in shortly after, but this was our choice and it was just family (also the visiting time was limited). The nurses actually let Cade stay with me until I was moved to my post-partum room (about 3 hours later). He was then taken to the nursery to get cleaned up while I did the same, and brought back to me about an hour later. I appreciated all the time spent with him during these first hours because the next day was a hailstorm of visitors.

It is also ok to say NO when you feel overwhelmed. This happened on Sunday when we had visitors from 9:30am to 8:00 pm. I loved and appreciated every single person that walked in that room, but it was almost crazy at one point. So when you have 9 people in your hospital room and you haven't eaten lunch and you have to pee (which after delivery is a lengthy process that may require assistance...my poor husband!), you need to speak up and ask people to leave. I didn't do this really because I didn't want to be rude or make people feel like we didn't appreciate them, but at some point it becomes too much. If you feel bad, ask the nurse for help. Being a nurse myself, we get asked often to handle visitors. Your nurse can gently ask people to clear out for a while so you can take a nap or handle your business.

Help yourself out.
I mentioned in Cade's birth story that when my water broke I got up and put make-up on before we hit the road. I did this for a reason. Mostly to not look yuck in pictures, but also to make myself feel better in general. You will feel gross after delivery (again, mine was long and hard, lots of pushing). You might be a lucky duck and push 30 minutes and out comes a baby! If that occurs, you won't be near as swollen or feel as bad as I probably did. But let me tell you, if you do have a marathon delivery you will feel it later. The last thing you'll want to do is go put make-up on right away. We crashed that first night but I was determined to not be a slob the next day. Cody helped me get a shower, and I was able to throw on some cute pajamas and some make-up. I really think this helped immensely. I also got up and walked around the hallways a little later in the day. I was sore and it was hard, but the sooner you start the easier it will be. I didn't cut myself any slack. Trust me, the longer you sit on your sore butt on that hard hospital mattress, the worse you'll feel. If you don't feel like walking the halls, at least get up and sit in the chair/couch that's in the room for a little while.

Take what's yours.
When you get discharged, take everything in that hospital room! This might make me sound tacky but trust me, you paid for it. This is actually directed more towards the baby stuff. Your baby will most likely be in a little bassinet/cradle set-up in your room that looks like it's sitting on top of a cabinet with drawers. In these little drawers are baby supplies, including diapers, wipes, Vaseline (circumcision), alcohol swabs (umbilical cord), brushes, aspirator, etc. My nurse kindly informed that everything in those drawers gets thrown away upon discharge if it's not taken. There was literally a whole pack of Pampers Swaddlers in the drawer. Clean it out! There isn't as much stuff given to mom, but they will give you supplies if you use a breast pump in the hospital, and that stuff is expensive!

Don't expect a miracle.
I don't know anyone who was said (out loud) that they hope or expect to look totally different after delivery. So just to be clear, you will not. You will still look pregnant. When I left the hospital Monday, I would compare myself to what I looked like when I was about 6 months along except your belly is now squishy instead of hard. Now your belly will shrink every day so don't freak out, but it will take some time. You may actually be surprised by how quickly it does go down (especially if you nurse). At this point I'm 11 days post-delivery and I've lost 20 of my 34 pounds. I'm not working out (your doctor will tell you not to lift anything heavier than your baby for 2 weeks), but I have been walking some and just keeping busy around the house in general (more on that in my "Coming Home" blog post).
Also, when you get admitted one of the first things you'll receive is an IV and fluids. They want you good and hydrated for delivery. If you request an epidural, you will probably get an extra bag of fluids because your blood pressure will drop when they start the medication. Because I pushed so long and had an epidural, I received almost 5 liters of fluid that day. Thank goodness for the catheter. When I got to my post-partum room and looked in the mirror I was horrified. My face was so swollen, way more than it had been during my entire pregnancy. All the fluid also added to the swelling I already had in my hands and feet. A lot of this went down overnight, but I was still pretty swollen when I went home on Monday. It will take days/weeks for all of that pregnancy fluid to go away completely. Be patient.

Smile for the camera.
This is my biggest regret. Not that I didn't smile for the camera, but that I didn't ask for more pictures to be taken of myself with Cade (or myself, Cody, and Cade). When I got home and looked at pictures on our camera and my phone, I was really sad. There were maybe 4-5 pictures of us all together. 3 of them were immediately after delivery with my puffy-face, red-eyed self. I wish I had asked people to take pictures of us. Everyone was so excited about Cade that those pictures were forgotten and I can't get that back. I have tons of pictures of everyone else holding him, but very few of just us.

Congratulations on making it to the end of that one! I'm working on a "Coming Home" post next...lots more fun there ;)

{Cade's Birth Story}

I'm taking time to sit and write this while my husband and the baby are asleep. At least one of us understands "sleep when the baby sleeps" :)

February 2, 2013

I guess this story actually started on February 1st. It was Friday night and your daddy and I had gotten home from eating dinner. While we were out, I said "this is probably our last meal, just the two of us." At 38 1/2 weeks pregnant, I was scheduled to work the next two days at the hospital and part of the next week. If I didn't go into labor on my own by February 10th, your due date, I was to be induced on February 11th. I had been trying everything I knew to get myself to go into labor and avoid induction, but nothing was working. You were stubborn and didn't want to see us yet! The funny part about all of this is that for months, your daddy had been saying "Cade will either be born February 2nd or February 4th." I have a feeling you will always listen to him better than me.

So after dinner, we came home and I got ready for bed since I had to be at work the next morning. Your daddy had worked overtime all week because of some storms, and he decided to go to bed early with me. He immediately fell asleep, while I did what I did every night for the last month I was pregnant with you. I laid awake and thought about you being born, how it would happen and what you would look like. I prayed for you to be healthy. And I tried to sleep, but I was more uncomfortable that usual. You were very much awake in my belly, rolling around, kicking, and punching. I tried everything to make you settle down and get myself comfortable but nothing worked. Everything just felt...different. I thought, "Maybe I'll go into labor tonight." I remember looking at the clock and thinking that it was 11 and I had to be up for work in about 5 1/2 hours, and shortly after I fell asleep.

My sleep didn't last long. I remember having a dream about being in labor and having my epidural put in when I was jolted awake by an odd feeling. It was 1:15 am and I quickly realized that my water had broken. By some miracle, I jumped up and to the bathroom without making a mess (something that your daddy was amazed by). I sat in the bathroom for a few minutes thinking "This can't be happening. Is this happening? Now?!" Up until this point I had no labor signs except for some non-painful contractions. I calmed myself for your daddy's sake and collected my thoughts. I had sworn from the beginning of my pregnancy that when I went into labor I would be as calm as possible, because I wanted the whole process to be enjoyable for everyone. Once I calmed myself down, I went and woke your daddy and told him my water broke. He quickly woke up and asked what we needed to do. I told him I wasn't having contractions yet so we had a little time. While he packed his bag for the hospital, I washed my face and put on some make-up (because I knew there would be lots of picture taking!). We got everything into the car and made our quiet trip to Nashville. There was no one on the road at 2:00 in the morning, and we had a nice drive together, talking about you and how excited we were to meet you today. 9 months of waiting for you was finally coming to an end!

After being checked out, we were admitted to the hospital about 3:30 in the morning. We called all your grandparents and uncles to let them know that you were ready to meet them. We were taken to a room, and everyone else arrived within the next couple of hours. By this point I started having contractions, but had not dilated past 5cm, which is where I was when they admitted me. At 7:30, the started me on Pitocin in my IV to speed things along, and that's exactly what happened. At 9 am, I was almost 7 cm and in quite a bit of pain. I got my epidural at this point and was much more comfortable. Our wonderful nurse Elizabeth helped me change positions several times to get you to move, and then she encouraged me to take a nap. When she woke me at 10:15, I was 9 cm (and hadn't felt a thing!) and I was almost ready to push. Your daddy woke from his nap and you could tell he was so excited to finally get to see you! Little did we know you still weren't ready. I didn't actually start pushing until 1:00, because it took a little longer than we thought to get all the way to 10cm. Once I was there, we were ready to go! Your daddy was worried he would pass out during this part, but he was so excited to meet you that he stood beside me the whole time, holding my head and cheering me on. This part of delivery is what nurse Elizabeth referred to as my marathon, because I pushed for 2 hours and 45 minutes. You weren't a big baby, but you sure were hard to get out. I was upset because I was having so much trouble, but you were a champ through the whole thing and waited patiently for me. We had to take a little break in the middle when half my epidural wore off and I could feel my left side, but we fixed it and started again. Dr. Wingo came in after I had been pushing for 2 1/2 hours and told me that I could keep trying but we weren't making progress anymore. He wanted to use a vacuum (really just a small suction cup) on top of your head to help pull you out. I refused at that point, scared for you and frustrated with myself because I thought I wasn't strong enough to do what I needed to do. After Dr. Wingo left the room, I got very upset and started crying, which made it hard to push. Your daddy and nurse Elizabeth helped calm me down. They told me I had done everything I could and it was okay to use a little help getting you through this last part. I think it was your daddy who made my mind up when he said "Rheanne, it's time to meet him now, it's ok. You've done everything you can, let them help you."

I realized your daddy was right (don't tell him that) and agreed to let the doctor use the vacuum to get you out. Dr. Wingo came back and got everything ready for us. At 4:07 pm, you were born screaming. Your daddy cut your umbilical cord and you were laid on my chest so I could see you for the first time. You were wrinkly and a little purple, but you were beautiful and healthy and you were ours. I remember laughing and crying and not hearing a word anyone else said, except for your daddy who kept saying "He's so little!" At 6 pounds 12 ounces, 20 inches long, you were a little bitty thing with a big set of lungs. Nurse Elizabeth and nurse Catherine got you wiped off and let us keep you in the room with us. When I was feeling a little better and stronger, we let all your grandparents and family come see you. They had been waiting just as long as we had!

You are special because when people saw you, they immediately loved you. And we will all always love you just as much as the first time we met you.

{Cade's first week}

Happy 1 Week Birthday Baby Cade!

You didn't think I'd get rid of my chalkboard did you??

Everyone says time goes by so fast when you have a baby, and I totally understand. My days this past week have been squished together into a big jumble of cuddling, nap-taking, and lots of visitors. Cade is very popular :) 

I could write a million little details about what happened this week at our house, but I doubt anyone wants to read about how excited we were the first time our baby slept more than 2 hours (consecutively) or how cute his gas smile is.

So here are some pictures!

Chloe checking out the new kid

Worn out from the hospital

Our newborn jams are too big!!

Now we know why mommy's ribs hurt :(

First outing to the doctor (and to buy some more newborn outfits!)

Daddy won't let me out without Alabama clothes on.

Working on being a morning person...while mom drinks her coffee

We are snuggly in the morning.

Sports Center with Dad

Oh hi.

 

First "real" bath...not a fan.

...but we did love hair washing.

See...not so bad!

My bouncer is my favorite!

Thank you again to all the sweet people who have called and visited. Minus a few rough hours, we have been blessed with a wonderful baby. And to the ones who brought Gigi's cupcakes, Cheesecake factory, and peanut butter cookies....we love you :)

{Cade is here!}

Our little Cade is finally here and we could not be more excited or blessed. Words cannot express how truly grateful we are for the experience we've had so far and for everyone who has prayed, called, texted, brought gifts and food, or just thought about us in general. We made it home yesterday and had a good first night at home. He's nursing like a champ and sleeping even better. I will write a post about Cade's whole birth story here in the next day or two while it's still fresh on my mind, but for right now we are adjusting well and spending all of our time staring at this adorable kid we created!

Cade Alexander Roberts

Born February 2, 2013 at 4:07pm

6 pounds, 12 ounces

20 inches long