Blog Mom

Everyone who loves reading blogs...raise your hand!

You best have your hand raised since you're on my page.

Kidding.

Hopefully you enjoy reading this and aren't secretly making fun of me as I attempt to navigate my way through life and motherhood. If you are...you suck. I'm trying!

=)

I subscribe to several blogs, and I like to read them in the 3.5 minutes of spare time I have daily. They're a nice break from housework/baby rocking/cooking/sleeping. No, I LOVE sleeping.

So how many times have you read a blog post on someone's blog and thought,

 "Now she has her shit together."

Almost every time? Me too.

So that's what this post is about.

Blog Mom vs. Real Mom.

You could use some humor today, right?

Blog Mom: is gorgeous...always. She must wake up with a full face of make-up on and perfect beachy waves (either that or she has a hair/make-up person). She then goes to her closet and pulls out super stylish outfits to wear every day. She has someone on hand to take pictures of her in said outfit, edits the picture, and then writes a blog post about where she got her clothes and make-up. She also includes a video tutorial (fully edited) of how she curls her hair every morning. Who knows where her 5 children are while this is going on.

Real Mom: sometimes just changes out of the pajamas she slept in into a clean pair of pajamas. Yoga pants are a staple, because black pants look way nicer than jammies even though they're made of the same material. Right? If Real Mom actually has somewhere to go, she may bust out some jeans (fancy!) but will most likely wear work out clothes. Why? Because they're kind of like pajamas, but socially acceptable for public wear. And if she isn't wearing make-up, people will assume she just left the gym instead of wondering if she just rolled out of bed.

Blog Mom: has perfect children. They started sleeping 12 hours a night before their first checkup. They are always happy and smiling, wearing their brand new, expensive Baby Gap/ Ralph Lauren/ J. Crew baby clothes. Their hair is always fixed, and they never have food on their face. If they do, it's cute. Not rubbed in their hair and under their fingernails. They play sweetly, take naps on cue, don't cry, and certainly never emit body fluids.

Real Mom: has perfect children (or "child" because the multiple "children" gives Real Mom a panic attack). Real Mom's child still doesn't sleep through the night. He wears Baby Gap clothes but she promises they were bought on clearance (since he may only wear the outfits twice before he outgrows them). Her child loses his shit in public sometimes...like in the middle of Target. Screaming so loud the associate asks her if she needs help. (And why does Target not have a bathroom in the back of the store? So you have to rush to the front of the store with your screaming child just to change his diaper?) Real Mom's kid doesn't like naps, and fights sleep until he's exhausted. Real Mom gets peed on at least once a week.

Blog Mom: cooks breakfast for the family every morning. This breakfast may include fresh-cut fruit (organic) in the shape of hearts, pancakes in the shape of giraffes, homemade syrup from the maple trees in her back yard, and hand-squeezed orange juice. She will then take pictures of her family eating breakfast picnic-style on the back patio in the sunshine, edit the pictures, and write a blog post complete with recipes for the above listed menu items.

Real Mom: Breakfast at Real Mom's house usually consists of coffee (multiple cups), a piece of fruit, and a spoonful of peanut butter, because she can eat it all one-handed. She may or may not be eating leftovers at 2 in the afternoon (lunchtime) while her baby finally takes a nap. And dinner? Whatever her husband cooks when he gets home. Or frozen pizza.

Blog Mom: is super fit. She has an awesome daily workout routine that keeps her bikini-ready year-round. She probably has a six-pack. Don't worry, there are links to all her daily work-outs posted on her blog. In her pictures she will still have perfect hair and make-up, and she'll be wearing super cute workout clothes.

Real Mom: ain't got time for all that. She might get some crunches in during the baby's nap time once the house is clean and the laundry is put away. Sometimes she just takes a nap too.

Blog Mom: seems to have a limitless clothing budget. Her husband must be making bank. 

Real Mom: isn't getting paid to be off work on maternity leave, and will have to go back to work. Because you know what's expensive? Diapers. And what's more expensive than diapers? Formula.

Blog Mom: has unlimited patience, but then again her children are angels. She probably never says bad words. 

Real Mom: looks forward to taking a bath every night so she can have 30 minutes of alone time. She also says "shit!" too much.

When I was pregnant and started blogging, I started following other blogs.

I would read them and think "This is what my life will be like!"

I just knew my baby would sleep through the night, I'd know exactly what I was doing, and maternity leave would be like a 3 month vacation from work. And in the meantime I would master the art of parenthood.

Let's be real.

My life is awesome. My child is awesome. My husband is awesome.

But my house isn't always clean. Sometimes we don't eat dinner until 8 pm. Sometimes my baby just screams uncontrollably in public for no reason (not often, but it happens).

And for a little while I thought, "Why do I not have my act together like those moms?"

In comments on their posts, people (other moms) often say "Your life is perfect!" or "I just want to be you!"

How sad :(

Not for Blog Mom.

But for other moms, who think that Blog Mom's life is flawless.

It's not, she just chooses not to write about the flaws!